The Little Workin Girl

Life seemed to stop on June 13th, when I kissed Harrison for the last time, got in the car and left him at the hotel. He was flying out to San Diego the next day to start the journey of a lifetime. Marine boot camp. He has been gone for almost 6 weeks, and each day seems to remind me that I'm without him.

   Of course its hard to have a loved one gone for months, but with boot camp you are almost completely cut off from them. My only source of sanity are the letters he sends me. That's right letters. Snail mail. Its a foreign word right? Well, I have become very accustom to it. I honestly believe at the end of these 3 months my left arm will develop carpal tunnel. I write Harrison everyday. Sometimes twice a day. Every letter makes me feel closer to him.  Its crazy how our generation is so used to texting and e-mails. All instant modes of communication. Well, its hard when I write because I imagine him reading it just as I'm writing it, but reality hits when I realize it take 6 to 9 days for my letters to even get to him and then a week for me to get a letter containing his answers to my questions. 

   As much as I am complaining about snail mail, I do have to admit it is the most romantic thing. I trace my fingers over the words he wrote and re-read every letter 3 or 4 times. There is something special about having a piece of paper that they once held in their hand.  Its not like hearing the beep from your cell phone as you get a text message, or the notification that your boyfriend or girlfriend wrote on your wall. Letters are something that can be put in a box, glued in a book, kept forever.

    Some people try to relate to the feeling I have or what I'm going through and I know that they try only because they love me, but having a loved one gone and especially because they VOLUNTEERED to put their life on the line is something no civilian will ever understand. It is a fear that I give to God daily and ask that He will have His way with Harrison and I's future. I never regret Harrisons choice to go into the Marines, I just pray that God will make me a strong enough woman to support him 110%.  I believe the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman relate to a military wife. I desire nothing but to be a good wife to Harrison and to love Him just as Christ has loved me.

    So, as I look ahead to the next 48 days until I see Harrison, I am anxiously awaiting God's work in my life, and in Harrisons. I pray that when we reunite on September 9th, we will be more in love then ever and have a passion that is evident as the work of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Today is the second day of May. I wake up to 30 degree weather and snow. Yes, snow. Only in New Mexico.  Besides the crummy weather I have been sick for the past month.  My small cold turned into a big bad virus and has decided to set up camp in my body. After doctors visits, blood tests, 258oz of Gatorade and many hours of sleep, my body is still trying to fight it off. What could be worse then being sick?? How about a weekend without seeing Harrison. I think I tend to spread myself too thin. I was sitting on the couch with Harrison when his mom comes in and feels my forehead....fever of 100. Even though I want to spend all my time with Harrison because he is leaving for boot-camp in a month and a half, I have to remember that he needs to be as well as possible. My selfish attitude of wanting him to take care of me has to be killed and replaced with a selfless attitude.  The countdown continues till his departure and makes me wish I could kick this cold in the butt.  I feel like the longer I am sick the more time I am wasting. I am praying that God will rid my body of this cold and that I can stop getting sick. At least until Harrison is gone.

"Lord, Grant me the greatness of heart to see, the difference in duty and his love for me.
 Give me understanding to know, that when duty calls he must go. 
Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he is away. 
And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield."

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Love Never Fails

Love is not proud

Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through

Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you

Love never fails you

When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to

Love never fails you

French author Delphine de Girardin, once wrote "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

In my own life I have had to take risk; risks with relationships, money, future plans. As a Christian I have found that taking risks with the security of having Christ holding your hand no matter when is a comforting thought. A risk I will be taking soon is with my relationship with the man I love. After a lifelong calling to serve our country, my love will be leaving in June for Marine boot camp. For those of you who don't know the details of boot camp, I will explain.

Men serving in the Marines leave for 3 months to a grueling training where they will be pushed to the limit, physically and emotionally. They will be cut off from the outside world and will only be able to communicate with loved ones through snail mail. After 13 weeks of training all their family and friends go to their "Marine Graduation" It is a honored ceremony and they are officially recognized as US Marines. After 10 days of leave, the new Marine will head off to 2 months of more training. During this time the communication with the outside world is more laid back and they are sometimes able to leave base on the weekends.

For me the risk and the fear comes with the thought of the first training. 3 long months of no communication with a man who I see almost everyday, and talk to as much as humanly possible. Again I am brought back to the promise Christ tells us in Matthew 28: 20 "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I pray that even though I am scared and know that times will come in the 3 months when I will feel hopeless and that I can't go on any further with out him, that God is carrying me even when I can't walk any more.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."